The King Is Back.

I will never stop calling him Sid the Kid. Ever.

What We Are.

We are a hockey team, made up of  players full of heart.

We are the soul of Pittsburgh.

We are the diamonds in the rough, that have finally managed to shine.

We are the team who never stops believing.

We are the team who makes miracles happen.

We are the better team.

We are the team with Sidney Crosby as their captain.

We are the defending Stanley Cup Champions.

We are the Pittsburgh Penguins.

And we won’t lose this game.

Live Blog.

• LaPierre is a tool box.
• If this is the Habs standing on their heads, playing for their lives. It’s not good enough.
• I really don’t know how the tool-box gets away with a cross-check to the head. I really don’t know.
• We’ve been down 3 goals in a game before and came back to win it. This shit is far from over.
• Can we just … get rid of these guys? Cmon, this has gone on long enough. Sink them, Pens.
• I am actively homicidal right now. This series makes no sense. Can we please get rid of these fuckers?
• I would rather listen to Miley Cyrus everyday for the rest of my life than this OLAY OLAAAY OLAY OLAY SHIT.
• OLAAAY OLAY OLAY … GET THE FUCK OUT.
• If I ever go to Montreal, I’m bringing an industrial sized can of pepper spray and I’m going to spray fucking everyone.
• Change Halak’s name to Haluck.
• 40 years ago today, Bobby Orr flew.
• That is off topic. I hate thaaaa Habz.
• Mike Cammaleri Calameri needs to GTFO.
• Who’s blowing the refs before the game?
• WE ARE NOT LOSING THIS FUCKING GAME.
• THREE LETTERS: MAF.
• HALAK, FUCK YOURSELFFFF.
• I’ve decided it was Mike Cammaleri who blew the refs. Fuck you all.
• Excuse my French.
• I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT LAPIERRE. HIS VERY EXISTENCE.
• 4-2.
• PENGUINS, CRACK HALAK HES A DOUCHE.
• Enough already. Olay your mother.
• Crosby sucks, Montreal? FUCK YOU, THAT’S THE CANADIAN HERO YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT, SUCK MY NUTS AND BECOME YOUR OWN FUCKING COUNTRY ALREADY. FUCK. OFF.
• AT LEAST, PUT SOMEONE IN THE HOSPITAL, IDC WHO. JUST FUCKING BREAK SOMEONE’S NECK, THAT’S ALL I WANT.
• WULLAHHIIIIIII SAAAAAAAAAAARGE.
• 4-3
• ONE MORE, MOTHER FUCKERS MUAHAHA.
• Congratulations, Montreal, you just won the Stanley Cup.
• Game seven.
• BURY THEM WEDNESDAY.

DEAR HABS,

FUCK YOU.

WHATEVER,

MM.

We Work Miracles, Remember?

Everybody needs to take a breath, and sit the fuck down. One game. One game, and suddenly everyone’s lost their faith in the Penguins? Relax. We’re the reining Stanley Cup champions, and the Habs are just making the second round of the playoffs for the first time since 2008.

Pittsburgh is the better team. We did this, remember?

The series is just tied. They’re not blowing us away 3-0. So everybody calm the fuck down.

The Habs aren’t going anywhere.

Dear Pittsburgh Penguins,

Kill them.

Sincerely,

MM

Go Pens Go.

Cleaning out the Locker Room

It took six games for the better team to win. You know, the reining Stanley Cup Champions? Six games to beat a team that didn’t even make the playoffs last year. Six games to beat a team that was over-loaded with injuries. Six games to beat the Ottawa Senators.

The Sens gave them one hell of a fight, that’s for sure. Everyone went into this series thinking about how easy it would be for the Penguins to take on the Senators. That’s not how it turned out though. The Senators fought for their lives after a couple of bad games in their own building. They put up a fight, gave it all they had, and I’m proud. I’m proud of my hometeam heros, no matter what the outcome and the end of the day is.

So here’s to you, Senators.

You gave them one hell of a series, and we’ll see you in October.

What Happened?

Did someone slip some the Sens some of Mama Malkin’s borscht? Because how they’ve been playing lately has been mind-blowing. Wtf yo. It wasn’t so long ago when the Sens were out of a playoff spot, and I was ready to drink my way to the early off-season. Now things have turned around, and the Senators have won seven in a row, and things are starting to look a lot like they did back in ’07 when the Senators managed to make it all the was to the Stanley Cup Final. I’m still bitter about that. Let’s not get me started on the Ducks. Somehow, in the past seven games, the Senators have managed to beat some of the League’s best, Chicago, Boston, New Jersey, and New York. The Senators are winning. And I am less likely to kill myself.

Tonight will be interesting. The fifth place Senators will be taking on the fourth place Penguins.

On TSN. That means Pierre McGuire. Ohmyfuck, I’m cracking out a bottle of tequila and playing the drinking game. Pierre cannot ruin this for me.

There will be blood.

Recap: Pitt/Chi

Guess who was booooooooooooooooooed all game? Even in the warmup.

Was it :

a) Cappy

b) An Asian Cowboy:

or c) This guy:

If you guessed c) Marian Ho$$a, you were right. You win a Stanley Cup. Ho$$a doesn’t.

mm , inviting , isn't it Hoss.

A few points on the game:

• The men who speak into microphones, drowning out the real sounds of the game were saying that this is the Stanley Cup Finals preview. Yep. I called this a while ago.
• Duncan Keith’s hair is my emotional support for the loss of Sex Hair.
• Oh yeah, the guy who ruined the Blackhawks for me scored. Meh. The only way he could get the goal was if he dove into the net.
• Billy Guerin had a bitchfest with Brent Seabrook.
• Orpik threw a glove at Jonny T’s face. LOLZ.
• Geno bear-hugged Colin Fraser in a middle of a face-off and starting throwing punches to his face. Not much came outta that.
• There was a lot of this :

• And a lot of this:

• Oh, the Niemi kid was pretty insane. He was on acid or something, cause he didn’t stop moving all night.
• Ditto for MAF.
• One word: JStaal.
• I want him.
• Verbeauty scores in OT. Kay.
• 2-1 final.
• Sid was out.
• Doesn’t count when Sid id out.
• Got a point.
• Hawks got two.
• I’m happy.
• Jordan Staaaaaaal.
• I miss Adam Burish.
• Max Talbot looked pretty god.
• I miss Adam Burish.
• Adam.
• Burish.

Game Day Notes.

Sens and Pens are both playing tonight, so here’s a quick update on both my teams:

• Erik Karlsson got sent down to Binghamton yesterday, and won’t be in the lineup tonight. Apparently he was ‘emotional’ when he heard about this. Fack, no one wants to see Little E cry.
• Filip Kuba will be returning to the lineup tonight, after being out for the past 8 games with a lower body injury. Whop-di-doo.
• Both Pascal LeClaire and Peter Regin were at practice today, even with speculation going around that they both had flu. Both players are expected to play tonight. AKA: There will be no lack of Regin goodness for the female fans in the Sunrise Arena. All 4 of them. Fail.
• Shean Donovan has been added to the lineup tonight, making Ryan Shannon a healthy scratch. Epic. Fail.
• I think Jason Spezza should score a goal, I mean all this assisting and being a ‘better team player’ stuff is nice, but c’mon, I want GOAAALS, Jason.
• In Penguins news, female fans worldwide will mourn the loss of Letang’s Sex Hair tonight as the Canadiens head into Pittsburgh to face the Penguins. Yeah, that’s right. Kris LeTang got a hair cut. It’s gone. I was on the verge of tears when I found out. Legit. Look for the dull new look tonight at 7pm on RDS. FAILYFAILYFAILY.
• Tyler Kennedy will be out of the lineup tonight with an undisclosed injury. Meh. Fail.
• Tonight will mark Hal Gill’s return to Pittsburgh as a Montreal Canadien. Fail. He looked so much better in black & vegas gold.
• Penguins are welcoming back, Super Duper into the lineup tonight after missing the past two days due to illness. Win.
• Oh, and the Penguins issued a statement saying that they weren’t worried about the entire team getting swine and blahblahblah
• LETS GO SENS/PENS!!!

Shut Up, Philadelphia, Pens Win.

The Battle of Pennsylvania, taking place in The City of Brotherly Love. Blahblahblah.

First Period.

Power play, no time wasting here, Gonchar to Malkin and then …

1-0

Then Malkin was accused of two of the most confusing penalty calls I’ve seen in all my hockey watching years, leaving everyone like this:

Danny scored a little while after that. Meh. Tie game.

Next face-off, Malkin and Staal are out there together. Malkin pulls out some key moves, dishes the puck to Staal and then …

BAM. 2-1

And then well, you know.  When you see Fleury doing this:

It normally leads to this:

At least it didn't go in.

Second Period.

Penalty Kill, Cookie breaks his stick, then tried to recover by blocking a shot like fucking Superman, block takes a bad bounce and …

boo. 2-2

Danny scores. Wah.

Later: Penguins catch Philly on a horrid line change, power play, Billy G decides to take a shot at it. Scores. 3-2

Penguins take a bunch of penalties, and just when you’ve started to get a little pissed off…

BANG. 4-2

Coburn inexplicably throws the puck at his own net. Ray Emery wasn’t even looking, Goligoski gets credit for the goal.

Toward the end of the period, Crosby trips Hartnell.
Then Staal chases Timonen. Then he slashes Timonen.
Never mind the Timonen interference on Staal that started that whole thing.
Flyers score on the 5-on-3.
4-3

Third Period.

Pens looked lazy at the beginning, Philly was out shooting and hitting them. Malkin wakes up the Penguins by running over everyone. Malkin is my hero.

Kennedy taps it into the Flyers zone.
Matt Cooke gets the puck.
Teddy all alone in front.

Thank you, Mr. President: 5-3

Great play all around.

Towards the end of the third, a few penalties are called on both sides. At one point, the Penguins had a 5-3. Couldn’t connect.

Then, Philly pulls Emery.
Jeff Carter puts one in the back of the net with 41 seconds to go. What a shot.
5-4

0.15 seconds left to go.
All hell breaks loose.
Richards runs over MAF.
Hartnell decides to taste Le Swoon’s finger.
Flyers Fail.

Final Score: 5-4. Pens win.

-hahaha-

Top search of the day? Jason Spezza Douche. Thank you to all the people who searched this. You make my life. 

I was warming up Spaghetti today, when I suddenly had a fucking epitome. Spaghetti, Evgeni Malkin. Evgeni Malkin, Stanley Cup. Stanley Cup, Stanley Cup Champs DVD.

I completely forgot that I had boughten the Pens DVD the other day, and I still hadn’t watched it.

Yeah so, my critique on that? Fucking amazing. They had an entire 10 minutes devoted to Mama and Papa Malkin and the joy they bring to Evgeni and Pittsburgh. Max Talbot’s farewell words made me cry. Yeah. He was that pimp.

Oh, and just to let you know, Pimp is spelled M-A-X-T-A-L-B-O-T.

So is clutch.

God, I miss hockey.

Preseason, come faster.