Look What I Found …

Somebody told me that my Team Canada boys were getting their pictures taken recently, but I hadn’t found them ’till now. It was a long hard search, but after a few hours, I found them.

So here’s an excerpt of my favorites.

Tyra taught Vinny to smile with his eyes. But she’s disappointed with him because he has a hung over look on his face.

B+

Stevey’s got a great smile, but he’s flashing us a bit of a stink eye here. Tut, tut, Mase. Keep your eyes open!

B-

Then there’s Cappy. Most of the fan girls would say he looks absolutely scrumptious here, with his one curl falling over his forehead and flashing a huge grin. However, I’m not one of those girls. In fact, I think he LOOKS like a girl. But other than that, not too shabby, Captain.

B

I think the beard adds an extra ten pounds on Nasher here. Shave, bud. 

B

Look who it is. It’s the ever handsome, jaw dropping, heart melting Patrick Sharp. What a great smile, but I think he went too far with the hair.

A

I was hysterical when I found this. His face is priceless, like a kid at Disney World, and his pants are revolting. Shape up, Patty.

C

He looks like the geeky kid everyone has in their school. Or like he sees that you’re fly’s down but isn’t going to tell you. He’s mocking you. But I like the hair, so …

B

Can you see it? I can. Right there, under his chin. Is that? Another chin? Why yes, it is. Fuck-a-doodle-doo. Mike Green is a fatty! But he has the eyebrows working for him. And the hair … Oh, the hair.

B-

JORDAN STAAL YOU ARE SUCH A TEASE. Ladies, this is what your standards should be. You except no one who doesn’t have hair like his. Or the shit-eating grin. Or the swagga that says: “You bitches look at me I’m fucking fly. I’m a Stanley Cup Champion!” HOT.

A+

Marriage has aged you, Jason. It looks like you’re balding. But you know, you are working that jersey.

B

Bonjour, Marc-Andre. Voulez vous couchez avec moi ce soir? SEX.

A+

Has Eric done something to his hair? It looks oddly like his brother’s. Maybe he’s trying to remember what it’s like to be a Stanley Cup Champion.

B+

He’s got the “I just got laid” grin on his face, and the “I just rolled out of bed hair.” He’s all grown up. *sniff*

A

Brent Seabrook knows how to make a girl scream. Fierce.

A

Hey. Jonathan Toews. Do me now. This picture takes away every female’s virginity. This picture has Tyra Banks CRYING with pride. This picture has me short of breath. This picture is …

A++


 


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3 Responses to Look What I Found …

  1. elvidge says:

    Okay, you were wayyyyyyyy too easy on Spezz there. He looked like a freak. You can tell he hasn’t been sleeping lately, I’m just hoping it’s because he’s wallowing in the pity of his failed marriage, not because…of something he and his wife might be doing. I can’t say it, I get teared up, and I got a party to go to, so I’ll be quick with this next one:

    UHM, AHEM! Did you not see Eric Staal in that picture? He looks like a freaking GOD! Leave him alone, the fact that he wants to look more like his slightly more accomplished younger brother is the cutest thing ever. I love his hair. Love it.

    And one last thing. I would’ve given Jordan the A++ instead of Toews. Because really, to be honest with you, he looks like he’s about to rape you. Except that he’s like asking your permission first. That’s the kind of expression someone would make after politely asking, “Um, excuse me miss, I would like your permission to get into your pants.”

    That’s all. Sorry for the critisism, but I consider it to be more of the constructive side, no? Love, love, love, Al.

    P.S: WHERE IS MARC STAAL? WHERE?!

  2. mizzmalkin says:

    I agree with everything you have to say about Spez. I just couldn’t bring myself to point that out on internet. The poor man has to live with Snell up his ass every minute, I’m not gonna make his life worse for him.

    I never said E looked bad! I just said that he OBVIOUSLY is trying to act like J.

    JONATHAN TOEWS DOESN’T NEED TO ASK TO GET INTO A GIRLS PANTS. Nor, does he need to result to rapery. Cause he just has to pose like that and he has girls falling at his feet. Jonathan Toews, I love you.

    But Jord was a runner up. Cause he’s hot. Hot. Hot. Hot.

    PS: I COULDN’T FIND MARC! I’M SORRYYY ! He’s like, anti-internet.

  3. Jess Chapman says:

    Couldn’t disagree more re: JStaal. Probably because I find blond hair incredibly unsexy on a man for some reason (and I dated a blond guy once; there’s no future in it). But he has the look of one of those douchebags you see bartending in L.A. while trying to break into the stand-up comedy world.

    “Um, excuse me miss, I would like your permission to get into your pants.” As if any girl would turn down the chance to get on THAT. If I were the type to ask for a hall pass, I’d use it with him.

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