Can You Smell It In The Air?

May 4, 2010

Mama and Papa Malkin have landed in Pittsburgh. The entire Penguin’s playoffs change now.

Super Borscht ftw.

Do it, Pens.

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What Christmas Means To Me

December 28, 2009

I think it’s safe to say that this is the best music video I have seen in my entire life. Cut out the horrible singing and bad dance moves with the cheesy Christmas music in the back ground, and you’ve got one LOLtastic video. Best part? Jonathan Toews camo at 2:16. He raises his eyebrows and is all like “Oh yeah, this is my big break. I’m in Alyonka Larionov’s music video, betch.”

My question is, how did Alyonka and her sister actually manage to convince all these boys to hold up signs and smile for the camera? Like, really? Maybe they had nothing else better to do. Or, it’s quite possible that Alyonka and Diana promised to sleep with everyone that held up a sign. I would.

Oh, and Geno’s cat? Cutest thing ever. It’s funny, I never really took him as a cat person. Must be the entire Russian thing.


MVP Best Cook. (#3)

December 13, 2009

For the third installment of 71 Reasons I Love Evgeni Malkin we turn back to the ever legendary ‘Cooking with Geno’ segment that Alyonka Larionov, daughter of retired NHL superstar Igor Larionov, did for the Penguins Show a few months back. As if we didn’t need another reason to love the lopsided grinning Russian, he had to go and do this and make us smile all over again. So, if you’re wondering how to make delicious Russian pierogies, or just looking for Geno adorable-ness, I’d watch this video over and over again.

Keep your eyes on the pierogies, Evgeni.

P.S.: For all the Tanger fans out there, he makes a camo in this video as well (:


Recap: Pitt/Chi

December 6, 2009

Guess who was booooooooooooooooooed all game? Even in the warmup.

Was it :

a) Cappy

Sidney Crosby #87 of the Pittsburgh Penguins celebrates with the Stanley Cup after defeating the Detroit Red Wings by a score of 2-1 to win Game Seven and the 2009 NHL Stanley Cup Finals at Joe Louis Arena on June 12, 2009 in Detroit, Michigan.  (Photo by Harry How/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Sidney Crosby

b) An Asian Cowboy:

or c) This guy:

If you guessed c) Marian Ho$$a, you were right. You win a Stanley Cup. Ho$$a doesn’t.

mm , inviting , isn't it Hoss.

A few points on the game:

  • The men who speak into microphones, drowning out the real sounds of the game were saying that this is the Stanley Cup Finals preview. Yep. I called this a while ago.
  • Duncan Keith’s hair is my emotional support for the loss of Sex Hair.
  • Oh yeah, the guy who ruined the Blackhawks for me scored. Meh. The only way he could get the goal was if he dove into the net.
  • Billy Guerin had a bitchfest with Brent Seabrook.
  • Orpik threw a glove at Jonny T’s face. LOLZ.
  • Geno bear-hugged Colin Fraser in a middle of a face-off and starting throwing punches to his face. Not much came outta that.
  • There was a lot of this :

  • And a lot of this:

  • Oh, the Niemi kid was pretty insane. He was on acid or something, cause he didn’t stop moving all night.
  • Ditto for MAF.
  • One word: JStaal.
  • I want him.
  • Verbeauty scores in OT. Kay.
  • 2-1 final.
  • Sid was out.
  • Doesn’t count when Sid id out.
  • Got a point.
  • Hawks got two.
  • I’m happy.
  • Jordan Staaaaaaal.
  • I miss Adam Burish.
  • Max Talbot looked pretty god.
  • I miss Adam Burish.
  • Adam.
  • Burish.

Friday Mash-Up: Summer Edition

October 23, 2009

For the first edition of Friday Mash-Up, I’m gonna let you all in on the soundtrack of certain hockey players over the course of their summer.

Max Talbot partied to this with the Stanley Cup and a few hookers. All summer long. Maxime knows how to live:

Kris LeTang moped to this  while stroking his luscious, silky hair and drinking Jack Daniels Scorpian Whiskey out of the Cup:

Alex Ovechkin was sitting in his pile of cash in Russia thinking about his life, and listening to this classic about his life:

Evgeni Malkin was hooking up with that horrid Russian pornstar-esque girlfriend of his while jamming to his tune:

This was Jason Spezza’s song all summer. I especially love the ‘and divorced’ part:

Here’s his wife’s, Jennifer Snell, theme song, just in case you need to know:

Kay, I think I’m done for this week.

Cheers.


Shut Up, Philadelphia, Pens Win.

October 9, 2009

The Battle of Pennsylvania, taking place in The City of Brotherly Love. Blahblahblah.

https://i2.wp.com/www.thepensblog.com/images/stories/200910/logos/pens.png https://i0.wp.com/www.thepensblog.com/images/stories/200910/logos/phi.png

First Period.

Power play, no time wasting here, Gonchar to Malkin and then …

1-0

Then Malkin was accused of two of the most confusing penalty calls I’ve seen in all my hockey watching years, leaving everyone like this:

Danny scored a little while after that. Meh. Tie game.

Next face-off, Malkin and Staal are out there together. Malkin pulls out some key moves, dishes the puck to Staal and then …

BAM. 2-1

And then well, you know.  When you see Fleury doing this:

https://i2.wp.com/www.thepensblog.com/images/stories/200910/recaps/oct/game_4/mafstick.jpg

It normally leads to this:

At least it didn't go in.

Second Period.

Penalty Kill, Cookie breaks his stick, then tried to recover by blocking a shot like fucking Superman, block takes a bad bounce and …

boo. 2-2

Danny scores. Wah.

Later: Penguins catch Philly on a horrid line change, power play, Billy G decides to take a shot at it. Scores. 3-2

Penguins take a bunch of penalties, and just when you’ve started to get a little pissed off…

https://i2.wp.com/www.thepensblog.com/images/stories/200910/recaps/oct/game_4/tenk.jpg

BANG. 4-2

Coburn inexplicably throws the puck at his own net. Ray Emery wasn’t even looking, Goligoski gets credit for the goal.

Toward the end of the period, Crosby trips Hartnell.
Then Staal chases Timonen. Then he slashes Timonen.
Never mind the Timonen interference on Staal that started that whole thing.
Flyers score on the 5-on-3.
4-3

Third Period.

Pens looked lazy at the beginning, Philly was out shooting and hitting them. Malkin wakes up the Penguins by running over everyone. Malkin is my hero.

Kennedy taps it into the Flyers zone.
Matt Cooke gets the puck.
Teddy all alone in front.

Thank you, Mr. President: 5-3

Great play all around.

Towards the end of the third, a few penalties are called on both sides. At one point, the Penguins had a 5-3. Couldn’t connect.

Then, Philly pulls Emery.
Jeff Carter puts one in the back of the net with 41 seconds to go. What a shot.
5-4

0.15 seconds left to go.
All hell breaks loose.
Richards runs over MAF.
Hartnell decides to taste Le Swoon’s finger.
Flyers Fail.

Final Score: 5-4. Pens win.


-hahaha-

July 29, 2009

Top search of the day? Jason Spezza Douche. Thank you to all the people who searched this. You make my life. 

I was warming up Spaghetti today, when I suddenly had a fucking epitome. Spaghetti, Evgeni Malkin. Evgeni Malkin, Stanley Cup. Stanley Cup, Stanley Cup Champs DVD.

I completely forgot that I had boughten the Pens DVD the other day, and I still hadn’t watched it.

Yeah so, my critique on that? Fucking amazing. They had an entire 10 minutes devoted to Mama and Papa Malkin and the joy they bring to Evgeni and Pittsburgh. Max Talbot’s farewell words made me cry. Yeah. He was that pimp.

Oh, and just to let you know, Pimp is spelled M-A-X-T-A-L-B-O-T.

So is clutch.

God, I miss hockey.

Preseason, come faster.