Game Day Notes.

October 28, 2009

Sens and Pens are both playing tonight, so here’s a quick update on both my teams:

  • Erik Karlsson got sent down to Binghamton yesterday, and won’t be in the lineup tonight. Apparently he was ’emotional’ when he heard about this. Fack, no one wants to see Little E cry.
  • Filip Kuba will be returning to the lineup tonight, after being out for the past 8 games with a lower body injury. Whop-di-doo.
  • Both Pascal LeClaire and Peter Regin were at practice today, even with speculation going around that they both had flu. Both players are expected to play tonight. AKA: There will be no lack of Regin goodness for the female fans in the Sunrise Arena. All 4 of them. Fail.
  • Shean Donovan has been added to the lineup tonight, making Ryan Shannon a healthy scratch. Epic. Fail.
  • I think Jason Spezza should score a goal, I mean all this assisting and being a ‘better team player’ stuff is nice, but c’mon, I want GOAAALS, Jason.
  • In Penguins news, female fans worldwide will mourn the loss of Letang’s Sex Hair tonight as the Canadiens head into Pittsburgh to face the Penguins. Yeah, that’s right. Kris LeTang got a hair cut. It’s gone. I was on the verge of tears when I found out. Legit. Look for the dull new look tonight at 7pm on RDS. FAILYFAILYFAILY.
  • Tyler Kennedy will be out of the lineup tonight with an undisclosed injury. Meh. Fail.
  • Tonight will mark Hal Gill’s return to Pittsburgh as a Montreal Canadien. Fail. He looked so much better in black & vegas gold.
  • Penguins are welcoming back, Super Duper into the lineup tonight after missing the past two days due to illness. Win.
  • Oh, and the Penguins issued a statement saying that they weren’t worried about the entire team getting swine and blahblahblah
  • LETS GO SENS/PENS!!!

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Friday Mash-Up: Summer Edition

October 23, 2009

For the first edition of Friday Mash-Up, I’m gonna let you all in on the soundtrack of certain hockey players over the course of their summer.

Max Talbot partied to this with the Stanley Cup and a few hookers. All summer long. Maxime knows how to live:

Kris LeTang moped to this  while stroking his luscious, silky hair and drinking Jack Daniels Scorpian Whiskey out of the Cup:

Alex Ovechkin was sitting in his pile of cash in Russia thinking about his life, and listening to this classic about his life:

Evgeni Malkin was hooking up with that horrid Russian pornstar-esque girlfriend of his while jamming to his tune:

This was Jason Spezza’s song all summer. I especially love the ‘and divorced’ part:

Here’s his wife’s, Jennifer Snell, theme song, just in case you need to know:

Kay, I think I’m done for this week.

Cheers.


Okay, Uh, What?

October 23, 2009

I think I speak for everybody who watched the Ottawa/Nashville game like night when I say: WTF?

That was most definitely the most bizarre Sens game of the season. The Sens were off to a bad start early in the first period when Picard deflected a Suter shot only 5 minutes into the first period, giving Nashville an early 1-0 lead. Picard went on to get a hattrick for Nashville — OH WAIT! HE PLAYS FOR OTTAWA! LOLOLOL, I COULDN’T TELL CAUSE HE SCORED SOO MANY GOALS FOR THE PREDS. But really, no offense, Alex. I really do like you. Just an off-night I suppose.

End of first: 3-0 Nashville. Fuck-a-doodle-doo, right?

Nothing really happens in the second period except for a smorgasbord of questionable penalties. McCreary wants BEEF from me. Or just for me to book him an optometrical appointment.

Kayso, third period.

Chris Campoli decided, “Heh, why not try and score? Like, we’re losing to Nashville, we got nothing to lose”

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Score. 3-1

Shortly after that, Nicky Foligno was all like “WHAA?! CHRIS SCORED?! AWH, MAN. NOW, I NEED A GOAL.”

92293981, NHLI via Getty Images /National Hockey League

Cha-chiiing. 3-2

Momentum is building. Milan Michalek’s all like “LOLZ, I LIKE SCORE GOALZ. CUZ I’M FLYYY LIKE TAT.”

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Dany who? 3-3

Then, the Hockey Gods decide to put this thing called Shea Weber on full blast right after our power session. Meh.

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Betch. 4-3

Have no fear, ridic Jason Spezza passes and Anton Volchenkov were there to save the day.

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I love it when Volchie scores. 4-4

Next up: That Suter guy scores again. Not in the mood to show is face on here. 5-4. Everyone’s leaving, 1.6 seconds left, and whaaa? CHRIS PHILLIPS SCORES. LIKE WTF?! When was the last game that Anton Volchenkov AND Chris Phillips scored?! Yeaaahh. Never. Anyways, buildings going batshit crazy.

92239676, NHLI via Getty Images /National Hockey League

Like a boss. 5-5

Overtime: heartbreak city.

A bunch of penalties are called, 4-3 and then whatshisface scores to end like WTF-fest at the Scotiabank place.

To sum up the game in a few words: Most confusing 2 and 1/2 hours of my life.

Go Sens Go!

5-2-1


Look What I Found …

August 30, 2009

Somebody told me that my Team Canada boys were getting their pictures taken recently, but I hadn’t found them ’till now. It was a long hard search, but after a few hours, I found them.

So here’s an excerpt of my favorites.

Tyra taught Vinny to smile with his eyes. But she’s disappointed with him because he has a hung over look on his face.

B+

Stevey’s got a great smile, but he’s flashing us a bit of a stink eye here. Tut, tut, Mase. Keep your eyes open!

B-

Then there’s Cappy. Most of the fan girls would say he looks absolutely scrumptious here, with his one curl falling over his forehead and flashing a huge grin. However, I’m not one of those girls. In fact, I think he LOOKS like a girl. But other than that, not too shabby, Captain.

B

I think the beard adds an extra ten pounds on Nasher here. Shave, bud. 

B

Look who it is. It’s the ever handsome, jaw dropping, heart melting Patrick Sharp. What a great smile, but I think he went too far with the hair.

A

I was hysterical when I found this. His face is priceless, like a kid at Disney World, and his pants are revolting. Shape up, Patty.

C

He looks like the geeky kid everyone has in their school. Or like he sees that you’re fly’s down but isn’t going to tell you. He’s mocking you. But I like the hair, so …

B

Can you see it? I can. Right there, under his chin. Is that? Another chin? Why yes, it is. Fuck-a-doodle-doo. Mike Green is a fatty! But he has the eyebrows working for him. And the hair … Oh, the hair.

B-

JORDAN STAAL YOU ARE SUCH A TEASE. Ladies, this is what your standards should be. You except no one who doesn’t have hair like his. Or the shit-eating grin. Or the swagga that says: “You bitches look at me I’m fucking fly. I’m a Stanley Cup Champion!” HOT.

A+

Marriage has aged you, Jason. It looks like you’re balding. But you know, you are working that jersey.

B

Bonjour, Marc-Andre. Voulez vous couchez avec moi ce soir? SEX.

A+

Has Eric done something to his hair? It looks oddly like his brother’s. Maybe he’s trying to remember what it’s like to be a Stanley Cup Champion.

B+

He’s got the “I just got laid” grin on his face, and the “I just rolled out of bed hair.” He’s all grown up. *sniff*

A

Brent Seabrook knows how to make a girl scream. Fierce.

A

Hey. Jonathan Toews. Do me now. This picture takes away every female’s virginity. This picture has Tyra Banks CRYING with pride. This picture has me short of breath. This picture is …

A++


 



Guess Who’s Back …

August 29, 2009

I am now back safely in Ottawa, with normal food, and reliable internet connection. I know you missed me. A few things happened while I was away, including the Team Canada orientation camp featuring a few of my favorites.

Like Spez. Spez is definitely one of my favorites.

And Johnny. I like Johnny too. I really hope Toews makes the team, there’s something about him that just screams “I’ll win you a gold medal Canada!!”

You have no idea how glad I am that Drew made the try-outs. 

And take a look at my awesome, full of win, Maxime Talbot resembling Photoshop skills on the picture below. Sorry, Jared. Maybe next time when you’re pubescent enough to grow a beard.

staalbros

Steve Mason for President.

And not to forget the boy with the beautiful smile. Flower.

But there’s also a few of my least favorites at the camp.

Like, per-say, Dany Heatley. He is definitely up there on the least favorites list. 

D049001003.JPG

Oh wait — he’s the only one on that roster that I don’t like.

And then there’s all the good players that you just know are going to make the team. I don’t really need to mention them on here. I’m looking at you boys, Sid, Iggy, Stanley Cup Stealing Ducks, and BAMF goalies.

So, good luck to all, — except you, Dany, and make Canada proud this year.


Mhm, That’s Right.

August 14, 2009

Spezza was invited to the Men’s Team Canada Olympic Tryouts. 

*happy dance*

Go Spez.


-hahaha-

July 29, 2009

Top search of the day? Jason Spezza Douche. Thank you to all the people who searched this. You make my life. 

I was warming up Spaghetti today, when I suddenly had a fucking epitome. Spaghetti, Evgeni Malkin. Evgeni Malkin, Stanley Cup. Stanley Cup, Stanley Cup Champs DVD.

I completely forgot that I had boughten the Pens DVD the other day, and I still hadn’t watched it.

Yeah so, my critique on that? Fucking amazing. They had an entire 10 minutes devoted to Mama and Papa Malkin and the joy they bring to Evgeni and Pittsburgh. Max Talbot’s farewell words made me cry. Yeah. He was that pimp.

Oh, and just to let you know, Pimp is spelled M-A-X-T-A-L-B-O-T.

So is clutch.

God, I miss hockey.

Preseason, come faster.