100 reasons why Jonathan Toews would make the best lover? Let’s just stick with one:
Luongo breakdown + Toews hattrick + Niemi being insane =
Hawks are up 3-1 headed back to Chicago, and things are looking good. After a small breakdown in Game 1 of the series, the Hawks have really been able to shutdown the Canucks. Luongo hasn’t been playing up t0 his status quo, and the rest of the ‘Nucks have been taking too many penalties unleashing the lethal Blackhawks power play. All of these chances and Dustin Byfuglien have lead the Hawks to a 3-1 series lead, and after the performance they pulled last night, things aren’t looking so bright for the Canucks. One more win, you’ve got this, men.
Yesterday, Jonathan Toews turned 22. Yes, 22. Is it just me, or does it seem like the past few years have gone by so quickly? It seemed like yesterday when we were all watching him getting drafted, seeing his first seasoon in the NHL, or celebrating Tazer becoming legal. He’s 22 now, therefor, 22 pictures of my Winnipeg native captain. He’s got a beautiful smile, he just doesn’t show it that often.
Happy Birthday, Jonathan. Here’s to you.
Happy Belated, Toews.
Jonathan Toews got in a fight a few nights ago. Yeah, you heard me right. Fight. Gloves off, full-fledged fight. Okay, so maybe he had his ass kicked, but he’s trying right. I’m proud.
Guess who was booooooooooooooooooed all game? Even in the warmup.
Was it :
b) An Asian Cowboy:
or c) This guy:
If you guessed c) Marian Ho$$a, you were right. You win a Stanley Cup. Ho$$a doesn’t.
A few points on the game:
- The men who speak into microphones, drowning out the real sounds of the game were saying that this is the Stanley Cup Finals preview. Yep. I called this a while ago.
- Duncan Keith’s hair is my emotional support for the loss of Sex Hair.
- Oh yeah, the guy who ruined the Blackhawks for me scored. Meh. The only way he could get the goal was if he dove into the net.
- Billy Guerin had a bitchfest with Brent Seabrook.
- Orpik threw a glove at Jonny T’s face. LOLZ.
- Geno bear-hugged Colin Fraser in a middle of a face-off and starting throwing punches to his face. Not much came outta that.
- There was a lot of this :
- And a lot of this:
- Oh, the Niemi kid was pretty insane. He was on acid or something, cause he didn’t stop moving all night.
- Ditto for MAF.
- One word: JStaal.
- I want him.
- Verbeauty scores in OT. Kay.
- 2-1 final.
- Sid was out.
- Doesn’t count when Sid id out.
- Got a point.
- Hawks got two.
- I’m happy.
- Jordan Staaaaaaal.
- I miss Adam Burish.
- Max Talbot looked pretty god.
- I miss Adam Burish.
Somebody told me that my Team Canada boys were getting their pictures taken recently, but I hadn’t found them ’till now. It was a long hard search, but after a few hours, I found them.
So here’s an excerpt of my favorites.
Tyra taught Vinny to smile with his eyes. But she’s disappointed with him because he has a hung over look on his face.
Stevey’s got a great smile, but he’s flashing us a bit of a stink eye here. Tut, tut, Mase. Keep your eyes open!
Then there’s Cappy. Most of the fan girls would say he looks absolutely scrumptious here, with his one curl falling over his forehead and flashing a huge grin. However, I’m not one of those girls. In fact, I think he LOOKS like a girl. But other than that, not too shabby, Captain.
I think the beard adds an extra ten pounds on Nasher here. Shave, bud.
Look who it is. It’s the ever handsome, jaw dropping, heart melting Patrick Sharp. What a great smile, but I think he went too far with the hair.
I was hysterical when I found this. His face is priceless, like a kid at Disney World, and his pants are revolting. Shape up, Patty.
He looks like the geeky kid everyone has in their school. Or like he sees that you’re fly’s down but isn’t going to tell you. He’s mocking you. But I like the hair, so …
Can you see it? I can. Right there, under his chin. Is that? Another chin? Why yes, it is. Fuck-a-doodle-doo. Mike Green is a fatty! But he has the eyebrows working for him. And the hair … Oh, the hair.
JORDAN STAAL YOU ARE SUCH A TEASE. Ladies, this is what your standards should be. You except no one who doesn’t have hair like his. Or the shit-eating grin. Or the swagga that says: “You bitches look at me I’m fucking fly. I’m a Stanley Cup Champion!” HOT.
Marriage has aged you, Jason. It looks like you’re balding. But you know, you are working that jersey.
Bonjour, Marc-Andre. Voulez vous couchez avec moi ce soir? SEX.
Has Eric done something to his hair? It looks oddly like his brother’s. Maybe he’s trying to remember what it’s like to be a Stanley Cup Champion.
He’s got the “I just got laid” grin on his face, and the “I just rolled out of bed hair.” He’s all grown up. *sniff*
Brent Seabrook knows how to make a girl scream. Fierce.
Hey. Jonathan Toews. Do me now. This picture takes away every female’s virginity. This picture has Tyra Banks CRYING with pride. This picture has me short of breath. This picture is …
I am now back safely in Ottawa, with normal food, and reliable internet connection. I know you missed me. A few things happened while I was away, including the Team Canada orientation camp featuring a few of my favorites.
Like Spez. Spez is definitely one of my favorites.
And Johnny. I like Johnny too. I really hope Toews makes the team, there’s something about him that just screams “I’ll win you a gold medal Canada!!”
You have no idea how glad I am that Drew made the try-outs.
And take a look at my awesome, full of win, Maxime Talbot resembling Photoshop skills on the picture below. Sorry, Jared. Maybe next time when you’re pubescent enough to grow a beard.
Steve Mason for President.
And not to forget the boy with the beautiful smile. Flower.
But there’s also a few of my least favorites at the camp.
Like, per-say, Dany Heatley. He is definitely up there on the least favorites list.
Oh wait — he’s the only one on that roster that I don’t like.
And then there’s all the good players that you just know are going to make the team. I don’t really need to mention them on here. I’m looking at you boys, Sid, Iggy, Stanley Cup Stealing Ducks, and BAMF goalies.
So, good luck to all, — except you, Dany, and make Canada proud this year.