Stab to the Heart

October 10, 2010

Kris, Army. No offense or anything, but those outfits make you look fat.

Dear Toronto Maple Leafs,

FUCKING STOP MAKING ME LOVE YOU BY ADOPTING ALL MY FAVOURITE PLAYERS.
DIE BITCHES.

Fuck you,

MM

Alternatively, these looks are much much better for you two.

And…


Live Blog.

May 10, 2010
  • LaPierre is a tool box.
  • If this is the Habs standing on their heads, playing for their lives. It’s not good enough.
  • I really don’t know how the tool-box gets away with a cross-check to the head. I really don’t know.
  • We’ve been down 3 goals in a game before and came back to win it. This shit is far from over.
  • Can we just … get rid of these guys? Cmon, this has gone on long enough. Sink them, Pens.
  • I am actively homicidal right now. This series makes no sense. Can we please get rid of these fuckers?
  • I would rather listen to Miley Cyrus everyday for the rest of my life than this OLAY OLAAAY OLAY OLAY SHIT.
  • OLAAAY OLAY OLAY … GET THE FUCK OUT.
  • If I ever go to Montreal, I’m bringing an industrial sized can of pepper spray and I’m going to spray fucking everyone.
  • Change Halak’s name to Haluck.
  • 40 years ago today, Bobby Orr flew.
  • That is off topic. I hate thaaaa Habz.
  • Mike Cammaleri Calameri needs to GTFO.
  • Who’s blowing the refs before the game?
  • WE ARE NOT LOSING THIS FUCKING GAME.
  • THREE LETTERS: MAF.
  • HALAK, FUCK YOURSELFFFF.
  • I’ve decided it was Mike Cammaleri who blew the refs. Fuck you all.
  • Excuse my French.
  • I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT LAPIERRE. HIS VERY EXISTENCE.
  • 4-2.
  • PENGUINS, CRACK HALAK HES A DOUCHE.
  • Enough already. Olay your mother.
  • Crosby sucks, Montreal? FUCK YOU, THAT’S THE CANADIAN HERO YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT, SUCK MY NUTS AND BECOME YOUR OWN FUCKING COUNTRY ALREADY. FUCK. OFF.
  • AT LEAST, PUT SOMEONE IN THE HOSPITAL, IDC WHO. JUST FUCKING BREAK SOMEONE’S NECK, THAT’S ALL I WANT.
  • WULLAHHIIIIIII SAAAAAAAAAAARGE.
  • 4-3
  • ONE MORE, MOTHER FUCKERS MUAHAHA.
  • Congratulations, Montreal, you just won the Stanley Cup.
  • Game seven.
  • BURY THEM WEDNESDAY.

DEAR HABS,

FUCK YOU.

WHATEVER,

MM.



We Work Miracles, Remember?

May 8, 2010

Everybody needs to take a breath, and sit the fuck down. One game. One game, and suddenly everyone’s lost their faith in the Penguins? Relax. We’re the reining Stanley Cup champions, and the Habs are just making the second round of the playoffs for the first time since 2008.

Pittsburgh is the better team. We did this, remember?

The series is just tied. They’re not blowing us away 3-0. So everybody calm the fuck down.

The Habs aren’t going anywhere.

Dear Pittsburgh Penguins,

Kill them.

Sincerely,

MM

Go Pens Go.


Been There.

February 1, 2010

People act as if they haven’t partied shirtless with a bunch of girls in a Limo while driving through the streets of Vancouver, but we all know they have. It seems like Patrick Kane, John Madden, and Kris Versteeg all got their share. But why are people beating them up about this? They’re young, rich, athletes, and shit happens when you’ve got tons of money, and a night off. Let them have their fun.

Dear Patrick Kane,

Brother, you coulda at least found some hotter broads to party with, you must have been really, really drunk to have withstood those … beautys?

lovelovelove,

MM


Daily Dose of Sex Hair

August 29, 2009

pens

We really must talk to him about this entire hat thing. It’s depressing. 

hey @MizzMalkin did you see this one on the puckbunny board?

Much better, Kristopher.

@MizzMalkin it's not new but in case you havent seen it...

There’s that bloody hat again. 

@MizzMalkin not sure where i got this one...

I’m just going to pretend that’s me on the phone with him.

Dear Kris LeTang’s Hat Collection,

Fuck you.

Bye,

MM


Is Today The Day?

August 19, 2009

pattyk

Is today the day we find out Patrick Kane will be spending the next three years in jail? Or the day we find out he just has to do a bunch of community service and leaves the courtroom with a free pass? The district attorney in Buffalo says he expects a grand jury to announce charges today against Pat. Lets keep our fingers crossed that nothing too drastic comes out of this. Team Patrick.

Dear Patty,

No matter what comes out of today, in the end, I still love you and you still have fans who support you through every stupid move you make.

lovelovelove,

MM


Marian Hossa: Cougar.

August 18, 2009

Am I the only one who finds this ridiculously amusing? I always knew Marian Hossa was a pervert. Some sort of pedophile cougar. And I do believe you can use the term ‘cougar’ for a 30 something year old man who decided to go to Chicago because the Blackhawks are hot and young
marian

Dear Hossa,
Can’t you molest the Flyers or something?
Leave my Blackhawks alone!
lovelovelove,
MM