Stab to the Heart

October 10, 2010

Kris, Army. No offense or anything, but those outfits make you look fat.

Dear Toronto Maple Leafs,


Fuck you,


Alternatively, these looks are much much better for you two.


We Work Miracles, Remember?

May 8, 2010

Everybody needs to take a breath, and sit the fuck down. One game. One game, and suddenly everyone’s lost their faith in the Penguins? Relax. We’re the reining Stanley Cup champions, and the Habs are just making the second round of the playoffs for the first time since 2008.

Pittsburgh is the better team. We did this, remember?

The series is just tied. They’re not blowing us away 3-0. So everybody calm the fuck down.

The Habs aren’t going anywhere.

Dear Pittsburgh Penguins,

Kill them.



Go Pens Go.


July 29, 2009

Top search of the day? Jason Spezza Douche. Thank you to all the people who searched this. You make my life. 

I was warming up Spaghetti today, when I suddenly had a fucking epitome. Spaghetti, Evgeni Malkin. Evgeni Malkin, Stanley Cup. Stanley Cup, Stanley Cup Champs DVD.

I completely forgot that I had boughten the Pens DVD the other day, and I still hadn’t watched it.

Yeah so, my critique on that? Fucking amazing. They had an entire 10 minutes devoted to Mama and Papa Malkin and the joy they bring to Evgeni and Pittsburgh. Max Talbot’s farewell words made me cry. Yeah. He was that pimp.

Oh, and just to let you know, Pimp is spelled M-A-X-T-A-L-B-O-T.

So is clutch.

God, I miss hockey.

Preseason, come faster.

Oh Sidney.

June 22, 2009

I don’t think there’s a person in this world who wanted the Stanley Cup more than Sidney Crosby. Say whatever you want about him. Yes, he whines. But he has the biggest work ethic in the NHL. He, along with Geno and Ovie, have really brought more interest to the League. He has dreamed of this moment since the day he was born. He has worked for this since the moment he was born. Even with all the shit that he’s been through in the past couple of years with the media, he has proven to have matured and handled it very well for a kid that’s only 21. Sidney Crosby deserved this Cup. I don’t think you all remember where the Penguins were before he came. It just proves how much a couple of good draft picks can make a difference in your organization. In a matter of 6 years, this team has gone from last place nobody’s to Stanley Cup champions. Take it all in, Crosby, you’ve worked your whole life for this.

sid with the cup









Oh, and, 50 bucks says either Max or Colby took this picture. I mean, who else?

Following Stanley

June 22, 2009

I apologize for the lack of major updates in the last few weeks, but this has been mostly because I’ve been too busy freaking out about the Pens winning the Cup  studying for final exams. Many people wonder what happens to a hockey blog during the off-season where there’s no hockey. Well, hockey extends further than 82 games and playoffs. During the post-season, some crazy shit can happen. Like, for example, still not knowing who’s going #1 overall in the draft next week. This is the first time this has happened in 6 years. The last time people were this uncertain about the draft was in 2003 when the Pens opted for Marc-Andre Fleury instead of Eric Staal. Personally, I think the Islanders will go for Tavares. Either that or make a trade *coughcough* Brian Burke *coughcough* Don’t get me wrong, I think any of the top-5 guys this year can make a drastic difference in that hockey club, I just think that with all the media/record breaking talent that Tavares has he’ll be the obvious choice. Another think that happens in the post season is the free-agency madness. And I mean MADNESS. On the Pens lineup, a couple of interesting names might not resign, such as Petr Sykora and the American Hero Rob Scuderi. If Shero doesn’t resign those two, he will MOST definitely become number one on my hitlist. First, you trade Colby, then you don’t sign Scuds and Syki? Okay, dude. Redeem yourself. Colby Freaking Armstrong is also a RFA at the end of the year. Do it, Shero, do it. He’s more popular than Santa Clause in Pittsburgh. You’ll be doing your fans a favor. I (with the help of Erika and Roxanne) wrote a letter to Ray Shero, we’ll scan it and post it up soon. It’s really quite epical. So, all summer, you can count on me to fully recap Lord Stanley’s summer. I’ll make sure to be the first to post the pictures of Max Talbot pissing into it, Sidney Crosby proposing to it, and Geno and the Malkin’s eating Borsht out of it. Unfortunately, I missed the NHL awards the other night. I did hear that O-V won the Hart. Psht. Whatever, he can have that trophy, Geno and I are plenty happy with our trophy. Damn straight, Alex, we went there. And anyone else hear the digs Boudreau made at the Pens? Uhm, douche alert! Just when you think you love that guy, he has to go and say something like THAT. Ugh. I thought it was REALLY classy that Max went to Vegas with Geno, even though he wasn’t, and probably never will be, nominated for an award. Whatever, he’s still MVP in my eyes.

No Words Describe This Feeling Right Now

June 13, 2009