September 9, 2009
Okay, I think we can all admit it now. Dany Heatley will be coming back to Ottawa. Fuck-a-doodle-doo. I know. But instead of sitting at home grumbling about what we could’ve possibly gotten for him, we can look on the bright-yet-dim-side, and that is that I’m going to have one hell of a laugh at the home opener when Dany Heatley skates back onto Senators ice -in a Senators jersey- only to have everyone boo him. I’ll put my sign right up to the glass and hope he sees it. It’s going to look a little something like this.
See also: Dany Heatley.
I hate Dany Heatley so much right now, that if he were to come up to me looking like this, I’d stomp on his flowers, and shoo him away. Seriously.
Ah man. I’m going to have fun coming up with random signs I can use to insult Dany every game of the rest of his career. Like um, this one.
Remember Dany, you wanted to leave this …
But whatevs, man. Your choice.
August 29, 2009
We really must talk to him about this entire hat thing. It’s depressing.
Much better, Kristopher.
There’s that bloody hat again.
I’m just going to pretend that’s me on the phone with him.
Dear Kris LeTang’s Hat Collection,
August 18, 2009
Am I the only one who finds this ridiculously amusing? I always knew Marian Hossa was a pervert. Some sort of pedophile cougar. And I do believe you can use the term ‘cougar’ for a 30 something year old man who decided to go to Chicago because the Blackhawks are hot and young
Can’t you molest the Flyers or something?
Leave my Blackhawks alone!
August 16, 2009
Patrick Kane’s trial was today. And I’m currently sitting on my couch, writing this in an skeptical, jumpy mood. Every time TSN says Patrick Kane, I jump out of my seat. I’m antsy. I’m nervous. I’m goddamned worried. I know, however, that Partick Kane is going to walk away from this trial innocent. Let’s face it. We’re never going to know whether or not he actually did anything. That’s not information that he’s going to give away to the public. Sure, he can release all the statements that he wants saying that he’s done nothing wrong and that he was confused about why he was in this position in the first place, but we all know that maybe that’s not the full truth. He has a good lawyer, and his lawyer is going to do everything it takes to get people to believe that he’s innocent, whether its I don’t know, bribing JR’s lawyer into saying that the truth was stretched by the media, or stating that Kane was merely a witness in his cousin’s felony. Patrick Kane has money. And money buys you a good lawyer. And good lawyers can get you out of just about anything. But I’m still sitting here waiting in anticipation for any news, because anything can happen. Team Patrick.
August 9, 2009
I know you know. Everyone knows by now. Everyone knows that Patrick Kane is the Chris Brown of the NHL, except he didn’t have a famous girlfriend to beat up, so he chose his Cabbie. Now most people are going to start calling him a cheap bastard, I wont. I love him all too much to do that. Yeah, he punched the guy, and it was wrong. Yeah, he took his money back, and that was wrong too. But he did all this because he was WASTED out of his mind. And yeah, you guessed it, that was wrong also. But it’s not like if he was sober he’d attack the guy over $1.20. I’m pretty sure he’s better than that. Just the day before he was talking about donating to building a rink in the Southern Buffalo area. That’s kindness there. Pat isn’t going to deserve half the slack he’s going to get for all this. He’s a hockey player. And getting wasted is what hockey players do. It’s what they’ve always been doing. So give the kid a break, he’s still learning. And there’s no possible way that the Cabbie could’ve been fully assaulted by someone who weighs like 90 pounds.
I still love you.
June 22, 2009
I apologize for the lack of major updates in the last few weeks, but this has been mostly because I’ve been too busy freaking out about the Pens winning the Cup studying for final exams. Many people wonder what happens to a hockey blog during the off-season where there’s no hockey. Well, hockey extends further than 82 games and playoffs. During the post-season, some crazy shit can happen. Like, for example, still not knowing who’s going #1 overall in the draft next week. This is the first time this has happened in 6 years. The last time people were this uncertain about the draft was in 2003 when the Pens opted for Marc-Andre Fleury instead of Eric Staal. Personally, I think the Islanders will go for Tavares. Either that or make a trade *coughcough* Brian Burke *coughcough* Don’t get me wrong, I think any of the top-5 guys this year can make a drastic difference in that hockey club, I just think that with all the media/record breaking talent that Tavares has he’ll be the obvious choice. Another think that happens in the post season is the free-agency madness. And I mean MADNESS. On the Pens lineup, a couple of interesting names might not resign, such as Petr Sykora and the American Hero Rob Scuderi. If Shero doesn’t resign those two, he will MOST definitely become number one on my hitlist. First, you trade Colby, then you don’t sign Scuds and Syki? Okay, dude. Redeem yourself. Colby Freaking Armstrong is also a RFA at the end of the year. Do it, Shero, do it. He’s more popular than Santa Clause in Pittsburgh. You’ll be doing your fans a favor. I (with the help of Erika and Roxanne) wrote a letter to Ray Shero, we’ll scan it and post it up soon. It’s really quite epical. So, all summer, you can count on me to fully recap Lord Stanley’s summer. I’ll make sure to be the first to post the pictures of Max Talbot pissing into it, Sidney Crosby proposing to it, and Geno and the Malkin’s eating Borsht out of it. Unfortunately, I missed the NHL awards the other night. I did hear that O-V won the Hart. Psht. Whatever, he can have that trophy, Geno and I are plenty happy with our trophy. Damn straight, Alex, we went there. And anyone else hear the digs Boudreau made at the Pens? Uhm, douche alert! Just when you think you love that guy, he has to go and say something like THAT. Ugh. I thought it was REALLY classy that Max went to Vegas with Geno, even though he wasn’t, and probably never will be, nominated for an award. Whatever, he’s still MVP in my eyes.