Hockey Lingo Dictionary

Confused by the hockey lingo? Here’s your saviour. It’ll be updated day to day based on my findings. But here’s what I know so far:

Wheelin’ broads: Refers to the process of courting girls with slick lines and ruthless comments. In other words, shamelessly hitting on girls hockey players find in bars when they have perfectly loving girlfriends back at home. The process of wheeling broads normally takes place when the team is on a road trip, and is famous for being used by junior hockey players.

Ridin’ the pine: The act of sitting on the bench/sideline during a sporting event, but a member of the team.

Road kills: These are the hoes the boys manage to sleep with when they’re on the road. A pick up. One night stand, in other words.

Ditch Pig: Western Canadian expression to describe an ugly female that hunts for hockey players outside of bars, the arena and strip clubs. Normally they hang around the roadside or parking lot at the end of the evening hoping to get picked up by the desparate and dateless. Hence the ‘Ditch’ part of the name. ‘Pig’ is self evident.

Swamp Donks: Used to describe a girl who is every hockey players last resort. She is that one broad that waits around for your phone call all night and when that phone call comes (usually around 3 am when all the half decent broads are sleeping) she’ll be there on call. Be careful some tend to get clingly so lay the law down firmly. Shes not the best looking but shes dedicated to making your night better. What she lacks on looks she makes up for on expierence. They are generally treated like crap and dont care because the next day they are proud to tell their friends that they know the hockey studs personally. They are usually down for whatever which results in an intresting night for the boys. Many players regret and frown upon what they did the night before. Fortunetly this phenemonal night has its upsides like building team chemistry and chirping broads . the donksbecome a key component in locker room chats with the boys as the team sits on the pine sharing a friendly little chaw.

Dummied: To beat/completely annihilate someone in a form of competitive event so badly that it was like you were facing a non-living mannequin. aka. a Dummy.

Flow: Hair that would flow out the back of someone’s helmet and curl up around the back of the helmet. Someone can have a flow or be flowin. Long, curly or wavy hair. ex. Scott Hartnell’s flow.

Bag Skates: Hockey practices where players are forced to do repetitive skating drills until they are exhausted, or have “skated their bags off”. It’s often used as punishment for an underperforming team. Ex: Scene in the movie “Miracle”

Bar Down: Scoring off the crossbar.

Dusters: This term refers to those unfortunate souls who usually only step on the ice with 14 seconds to go when your team was initially down 4-2 but gave up an empty netter to make it 5-2. The coach finally calls the “dusters” number and does so in a way that the duster feels like he is finally getting an opportunity to showcase the talent he doesn’t really possess. Why the term duster? Cause this plug has been sitting on the bench the entire game… Collecting dust. Always the worst player on team.

Puck Bunnies: One of the lowest forms of lifestyles, they vary from young teens to women in their early 30s, and from appealing to grotesque. These girls are known for attending hockey games for the soul purpose of ending up in bed with one of the players. Their most common words used while in attendance of a game are “hot, ass, legs, body, arms, muscles, cute, tight.”

Bad Jibs: Bad teeth. One will usually see Bad Jibs on a hockey player who plays junior hockey or professional due to the lack of a face mask. Chipped, missing, teeth is also referred to Bad Jibs.

Dropping the Mits: Fighting in a hockey game.

Gongshows:

• Generally regarding the shitstorm that takes place after games.
• A lifestyle defined and perfected by junior hockey players.
• A unique code of ethics shared amongst hockey players; widely unknown to others.
• Everything chaos.
• “Strictly a hockey term used to describe a random situation that was or could become out of control involving a lot of of booze. This term is unknown to civilians outside the dressing room and is a word used with pride and and class by some of the dirtiest hockey men alive. Strictly a class word.”

Beaks: Insults.

The Show: a.k.a : The National Hockey League/ The Big League.

The Chizzler: The guy on the team that steals everybody elses point because he can’t get his own.

The Knobhawk: The guy who keeps his head up on the ice, but down in the showers.

Ron Textall: The guy who just can’t stop texting either if its in the dressing room, in the car or in the bars. This guys always has his head burried in his celly trying to wheel.

Apple sauce: A beauty of a pass for a goal, a great assist.

Plug: A word used to describe someone who is completely and entirely useless.

Meat Wagon: Normally used to describe a grinder-type player who fights, makes awful plays and scores garbage goals.

The Word “Fuck”: Used all over the ice, all the time.

Broken Twigs: Broken hockey stick.

Bender: Usually used to describe a player that can’t skate whatsoever, is normally looking down at their skates like they aren’t tied tight enough.

Celly: A goal celebration, can take many different forms and levels of douchebaggery. Takes many years to perfect.

Babysitter: Used to describe a star-player put on a line with two players of lesser skill to try and make them look better.

Breezers: Hockey pants.

Pylon: Those defence that you dangle around like pylons in practice.

Free Agent: The smart hockey players, the single ones.

Clapper: A slapshot.